Friday, January 30, 2015

Lesson Learned

In two separate conversations in the last 24 hours I have said to two different people, " I'm glad I didn't give up."  Both of these situations are close to my heart and one of them is pretty much my whole life and I chose to persevere through the pain.  Simply, God gave me NO way out but He stayed with me through the suffering.  I can't say it's all good now, but I can say, TODAY is good and I'm so glad I didn't give up!  I am learning to live one day at a time and be thankful for what I have today.  The past is painful and the future is is what I have and it's good.

Thank you GOD for never leaving my side, for being my strength and thank you that you have never changed and that you will continue to be by my side.  ♥♥♥♥♥

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Finish What You Start: A Mentality or the Truth Part 1

It just dawned on me this morning that there is so many things I don’t start, or do because I don’t think I will be successful at it and finish it , or that I will be good at it.  It comes to mind things like, “clear your plate, “finish your food,” etc.  I think that is where it all begins…as children.  I’m not saying it’s wrong or right or otherwise.  I did that with my own kids. It only makes sense to begin what you started and to finish it properly?  I see the parallel in this very clearly.

I remember last year, Danny had entered in something and he didn’t want to continue to do.  He was genuinely worried and he fretted over it.  I believed he should finish it because he had started it and isn’t that teaching our kids about being grown ups is all about?  Isn’t that teaching them responsibility? I asked for counsel on this and was told for the first time in my life by someone, when I explained the situation and why I believe he needed to finish, that “I would tend to go the other way.”  WHAT?  That is like going against the grain to society and all the teachings out there in books, mom groups and never mind that, church groups.  After a few weeks of thinking about it and praying about it, I did end up allowing him to quit and it was the best decision I ever made.  I’m not saying that this is always the way to go.  I think every situation is different.   

We need to look outside what we have been taught by humans and rather look inside ourselves and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and look into what we are being taught from the Bible to do ( yes, that means read your Bible.  It always come down to that anyway ☺  ).   It’s also helpful to have good and wise counsel and for me, having counsel of someone who “goes against the grain “so to speak, has been beneficial.  I have this way about me that things have to go a certain way because they are supposed to.  That is the RULE!  Well, life hasn’t been working for me like that for a very long time ( well, maybe not ever ). So maybe it’s time to change.

Like the questions goes, 

 part 2 coming soon

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Addictions: True Story

Allow me to introduce myself... ... I am the disease of addiction.

I hate meetings.
I hate your higher power.
I hate anyone who has a program.
To all who come in contact with me,
I wish you suffering and death.
Alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders.
I am cunning, baffling and powerful. That is me.
I've killed millions and enjoyed doing it.
I love to catch you by surprise.
I love pretending I'm your friend and lover.
I've given you comfort.
Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me?
I love to make you hurt.
I love to make you cry. Better yet...
I love it when I make you so numb,
You can't hurt and you can't cry.
You feel nothing at all.
I give you instant gratification.
All I ask for in return is long term suffering.
I've always been there for you.
When things were going right, you invited me back.
You said you didn't deserve to be happy.
I agreed with you.
Together we were able to destroy your life.
People don't take me seriously.
They take strokes seriously.
They take heart attacks seriously.
Even diabetes, they take seriously.
Yet, without my help, these things wouldn't be possible.
I'm such a hated disease, yet I don't come uninvited.
You choose to have me.
Many have chosen me, instead of love and peace.
I hate all of you who work a 12step program.
Your program, your meetings, and your higher power weaken me.
I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.
I am your disease.
For now I must lie here quietly.
You don't see me, but I'm growing more powerful everyday.
When you settle for mere existence, I thrive.
When you feel fully alive, I weaken.
But I'm always here waiting for you.
Until we meet again,
I wish you continued suffering and death.

Author Unknown

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Learning to be thankful in the little moments

I'm not necessarily a big picture thinker, but I do tend to have high expectations.  It's hard for me to enjoy a moment because I'm usually to busy wondering when the foot is going to fall and take that moment away.  This way of thinking robs me of not only seeing the blessings of God in my life, but experiencing them. 

Depression is a horrible thing and I have chosen not to be on medication for it anymore.  There was a time I was but due to circumstances and also the way they affected me, I chose not to deal with my depression in that way.  Not to say that temptations don't me they do, especially when I go deep deep into the pit.  I would love to mask my issues and just not think but for me, that isn't a reality.  I know much of my depression is caused by my lack of acceptance of certain things in my relationship with Christ .  I'm not saying it's all spiritual, but I believe a lot of it is.  I know it also comes with how I have dealt with my past and past issues...and in knowing that, by relearning life and how to deal with life ( and accepting certain things), I believe I can be healed of my depression...alongside my relationship and trust of Jesus Christ and the Truth. 

I had a reprieve from my depression yesterday.  God gave me an amazing gift of an almost clear day.  He gave the gift of experiencing and feeling His presence.  He gave me the gift of laughter with a friend.  It's been a long time.  I'm a "feeling" kind of person and that has been a downfall of mine, but it was so nice to feel His love, blessings, presence and amazing gifts yesterday.  I went to bed thanking Him, knowing that He is always in that place but for some reason, yesterday, I was able to know it and feel it.  It will help in the coming days as a reminder that He never leaves me and even if I don't feel His presence:

He is still there...He never changes...He never moves.... He is my constant...He is my God.  He is good...He is faithful...He is God. 

I will learn to find His presence ( presents ) in all things, because I know they are there.  ♥♥♥♥

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Identity in Christ...Day 2

This is the second message I shared with my Sunday School class in regard to this topic.  As I said before, it's not an easy topic for me to teach or share but I feel that they need to to know this stuff now and not look for it when they are 46 years old and try to deal with it then ( UGH ).  I really like the version I used here for Psalm 139: 14.  It is called The Voice and I am not familiar enough to suggest that you use this version of the Bible but I have to say, I love how it ends with " I carry this knowledge deep within my soul."  In fact, I think it's the most important part in a way because if we don't remember this, if we don't carry it deep within our soul, we will not remember it.  We have to remember this Truth and protect this Truth because this is what will determine how we look not only at life, but at ourselves and how we make choices and decisions.  Grasp the Truth now, live it and teach it.  ♥

Monday, September 15, 2014

Teaching the TRUTH Even When It's Hard

As a parent and a Sunday School teacher I take very seriously what I teach my children.  I know that they will and they do learn other things that may be total opposite of what I teach, but I stand beside what I teach because it's the TRUTH.

Just this Sunday I added a little something else to our Sunday School.  One of my biggest issues  is the very core ( I believe ) to both my depression and codependecy and that is my lack of self worth.  I've always gotten it from people and frankly no one is ever good enough in our eyes, even if we don't say it out loud.  We all have flaws, that's a gimme.  Problem is, if we get our self worth from people who see us with flaws then that is how we will see ourselves and how we will define ourselves.  I'm not good enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm a loser....we can go on and on.

I know this is my issue and have actively been working on it for a couple years now.  I laugh at that because if you know anything about the grace of God, working on it is the LAST thing I have to do.  ANYWAY, that always makes me snicker when I have read what I wrote and I know it to be wrong.

So what I have decided is at the beginning of Sunday school class I will have a scripture verse and quote for them.  I told the kids this Sunday that they don't want to grow up to discover that what they thought of as truth truly isn't truth.  NOW is the time to learn it, to know it and to embrace it.  And maybe, just maybe through my teaching, I will accept this for myself as well.