Friday, May 29, 2015

Celebrate Recovery

Long time, no post. :)  Did you miss me?  

I have been doing the Celebrate Recovery program on my own since January.  I know there are benefits of doing it with a group but at this time, on my own is best for several reasons.  Anyway, I am almost done the first workbook.  I'm on Principle 3 that reads:  We consciously choose to commit all our lives and will to Christ's care and control.  We make the decision to TURN every aspect of our lives and will over to our Higher Power, Jesus Christ.  In order to turn our lives over to Christ's care and control, we need to take ACTION.  

So basically I work through the highlighted words ( each letter stands for a word or phrase along with a Bible verse.  It's really a great set up to do on your own if you are like me and feel that need.  Then what I do is write a short ( or long ) blurb in my journal about what I learned that day and whatever else I need to get off my chest.  It's been working good for me. 

I say all this to share with you what I ended today's blurb with.  As a perfectionist in certain areas, I tend to quit if I can't do it perfect according to my standard which is pretty high and my profound thought for the day is:

Maybe I need to quit, quit trying.  :)

Have a GREAT weekend friends and God's Blessings Abounding!!

Friday, April 10, 2015

You Are Good Enough

 I sent out an email this week and this morning it started bothering me.  It was a short email.  What bothered me most about it is the question I asked at the end of the email: “Is that good enough?”  When I think of that comment and I think of some of the things I learned though counseling and one of my biggest issues is the way I see myself.  I see myself as not important and my opinions not important either.  This is a very unhealthy way to live and it is something I am in recovery from, but aside from that, it has never bothered me about something I had said until today.   I shared my plan that I had already decided on.  That should be good enough.  It is good enough.  My plan didn’t stray far from the issue and it isn’t even a big deal, but the fact that it bothered me that I said it, is a huge deal to me.  It shows me that I am recognizing more and more that I need to be better to me.  It also shows me that perhaps I’m more in tune to the Holy Spirit pointing these out to me, than I have been in the past. It shows me that God is,  by far, not through with me.  

I will take this moment as a victory and Praise God for Him and thank Him for this amazing moment.  He is indeed GOOD!  

I hope that if you are reading this that you will know that YOU are good enough too.  Don't second guess yourself and who you are and what you say.  YOU are worth it and YOU rock!


Friday, January 30, 2015

Lesson Learned

In two separate conversations in the last 24 hours I have said to two different people, " I'm glad I didn't give up."  Both of these situations are close to my heart and one of them is pretty much my whole life and I chose to persevere through the pain.  Simply, God gave me NO way out but He stayed with me through the suffering.  I can't say it's all good now, but I can say, TODAY is good and I'm so glad I didn't give up!  I am learning to live one day at a time and be thankful for what I have today.  The past is painful and the future is is what I have and it's good.

Thank you GOD for never leaving my side, for being my strength and thank you that you have never changed and that you will continue to be by my side.  ♥♥♥♥♥

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Finish What You Start: A Mentality or the Truth Part 1

It just dawned on me this morning that there is so many things I don’t start, or do because I don’t think I will be successful at it and finish it , or that I will be good at it.  It comes to mind things like, “clear your plate, “finish your food,” etc.  I think that is where it all begins…as children.  I’m not saying it’s wrong or right or otherwise.  I did that with my own kids. It only makes sense to begin what you started and to finish it properly?  I see the parallel in this very clearly.

I remember last year, Danny had entered in something and he didn’t want to continue to do.  He was genuinely worried and he fretted over it.  I believed he should finish it because he had started it and isn’t that teaching our kids about being grown ups is all about?  Isn’t that teaching them responsibility? I asked for counsel on this and was told for the first time in my life by someone, when I explained the situation and why I believe he needed to finish, that “I would tend to go the other way.”  WHAT?  That is like going against the grain to society and all the teachings out there in books, mom groups and never mind that, church groups.  After a few weeks of thinking about it and praying about it, I did end up allowing him to quit and it was the best decision I ever made.  I’m not saying that this is always the way to go.  I think every situation is different.   

We need to look outside what we have been taught by humans and rather look inside ourselves and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and look into what we are being taught from the Bible to do ( yes, that means read your Bible.  It always come down to that anyway ☺  ).   It’s also helpful to have good and wise counsel and for me, having counsel of someone who “goes against the grain “so to speak, has been beneficial.  I have this way about me that things have to go a certain way because they are supposed to.  That is the RULE!  Well, life hasn’t been working for me like that for a very long time ( well, maybe not ever ). So maybe it’s time to change.

Like the questions goes, 

 part 2 coming soon

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Addictions: True Story

Allow me to introduce myself... ... I am the disease of addiction.

I hate meetings.
I hate your higher power.
I hate anyone who has a program.
To all who come in contact with me,
I wish you suffering and death.
Alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders.
I am cunning, baffling and powerful. That is me.
I've killed millions and enjoyed doing it.
I love to catch you by surprise.
I love pretending I'm your friend and lover.
I've given you comfort.
Wasn't I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me?
I love to make you hurt.
I love to make you cry. Better yet...
I love it when I make you so numb,
You can't hurt and you can't cry.
You feel nothing at all.
I give you instant gratification.
All I ask for in return is long term suffering.
I've always been there for you.
When things were going right, you invited me back.
You said you didn't deserve to be happy.
I agreed with you.
Together we were able to destroy your life.
People don't take me seriously.
They take strokes seriously.
They take heart attacks seriously.
Even diabetes, they take seriously.
Yet, without my help, these things wouldn't be possible.
I'm such a hated disease, yet I don't come uninvited.
You choose to have me.
Many have chosen me, instead of love and peace.
I hate all of you who work a 12step program.
Your program, your meetings, and your higher power weaken me.
I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.
I am your disease.
For now I must lie here quietly.
You don't see me, but I'm growing more powerful everyday.
When you settle for mere existence, I thrive.
When you feel fully alive, I weaken.
But I'm always here waiting for you.
Until we meet again,
I wish you continued suffering and death.

Author Unknown

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Learning to be thankful in the little moments

I'm not necessarily a big picture thinker, but I do tend to have high expectations.  It's hard for me to enjoy a moment because I'm usually to busy wondering when the foot is going to fall and take that moment away.  This way of thinking robs me of not only seeing the blessings of God in my life, but experiencing them. 

Depression is a horrible thing and I have chosen not to be on medication for it anymore.  There was a time I was but due to circumstances and also the way they affected me, I chose not to deal with my depression in that way.  Not to say that temptations don't me they do, especially when I go deep deep into the pit.  I would love to mask my issues and just not think but for me, that isn't a reality.  I know much of my depression is caused by my lack of acceptance of certain things in my relationship with Christ .  I'm not saying it's all spiritual, but I believe a lot of it is.  I know it also comes with how I have dealt with my past and past issues...and in knowing that, by relearning life and how to deal with life ( and accepting certain things), I believe I can be healed of my depression...alongside my relationship and trust of Jesus Christ and the Truth. 

I had a reprieve from my depression yesterday.  God gave me an amazing gift of an almost clear day.  He gave the gift of experiencing and feeling His presence.  He gave me the gift of laughter with a friend.  It's been a long time.  I'm a "feeling" kind of person and that has been a downfall of mine, but it was so nice to feel His love, blessings, presence and amazing gifts yesterday.  I went to bed thanking Him, knowing that He is always in that place but for some reason, yesterday, I was able to know it and feel it.  It will help in the coming days as a reminder that He never leaves me and even if I don't feel His presence:

He is still there...He never changes...He never moves.... He is my constant...He is my God.  He is good...He is faithful...He is God. 

I will learn to find His presence ( presents ) in all things, because I know they are there.  ♥♥♥♥